My wife and I lead a co-ed cell group of 20-somethings each weekend. And for nearly two years now, I’ve also gathered the guys once a month (every first Wednesday) for a “mentoring” session over dinner.
To be honest, I didn’t always have a clear idea of what to do with them and with that time. I just knew it was good to meet, since university and starting work are some of the most demanding and distracting seasons of their lives. One pastor I spoke to for advice said this stage of life is when guys encounter a “tsunami of worldliness“.
My goal was thus to create a community where strangers would someday become brothers. We agreed on accountability and journeying together through life, but how else would we get there? I received a big piece of the puzzle when I spoke with a friend of mine who shared a model that he learnt from his pastor, who calls it the Big Three:
- What have you been busy with? Or what’s on your heart?
- What has God been doing in your life?
- How can we pray for you?
In just three questions over dinner, we’re always able to find out what we’ve been up to, what God’s been saying to us, and how we can pray for one another moving forwards.
“Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds;” (Proverbs 27:23)
As a professional guy with decades of experience, I can confirm that sharing is not one of our strongest points. Many of us find it difficult to go beyond “okay lor”, “about the same” and “like that lor”.
What have you been busy with? What’s been on your heart? When you ask a brother this, let him have the airtime. With time, you’ll find it’s easier to find the words, especially as the guys get more comfortable with one another.
If you get one-liners, no worries – ask a few more guiding questions to flesh out an understanding for the group of what this brother has been going through or facing. How did that make you feel? What else happened after that?
What also helps, when it comes to getting this culture of vulnerability and open sharing off the ground, is to be the first to share deeply and openly about what you’ve been busy with. Let’s model vulnerability and accountability!
“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.” (Psalm 57:2, ESV)
This question gets guys thinking about God. In a season filled with distraction, in a time when the whole world wants a piece of these guys, it’s a question that brings clarity or at least demands it.
For those who don’t know the answer to that question, it’s a wake-up call and an opportunity to be pointed to prayer and the Bible. Hearing about what God is doing in the lives of others is also encouraging and edifying.
As leaders, what you hear about God from their mouths gives you a picture as to where they are in their spiritual walks and maturity as followers of Jesus.
God is always moving in our members’ lives. Often, our role is to shine a light on His handprints and footprints along their paths.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16)
After everyone’s been updated, everyone’s needs should be uploaded – covering one another in prayer is so important!
It helps guys learn to be vulnerable and accountable to one another. It also grows their prayer life, expanding their prayer vocabulary and extending their passion and persistence when it comes to prayer and intercession.
Be sure to check back in on your members with regards to their prayer requests. If someone has experienced God in a mighty way, get them to share it with the group. If someone needs more prayer, keep it going!
Greater than structures and helpful frameworks, praying to God is the main work. Intercession changes lives!
What else?
I won’t lie, the first couple of times we tried this out – it was a little stiff. But keep at it, and it becomes smoother until one day it’s nearly second nature.
Hold on to Hebrews 10:24-25 whenever you meet: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
My earnest wish is that our group will become a safe space where there’s enough trust to call one another at 2am in an emergency, and a place wherein we might always find prayer, accountability and consistent reminders to go back to the Word.
If you’ve tried out the Big Three, let us know in the comments. If you have other structures or formats for mentoring you enjoy – share those with us too. Let’s do this together!
