I sing to be heard. I draw so that my pieces will be seen. I create in the hope of being appreciated. As creators or creatives, it seems perfectly natural to feel this way.

After all, isn’t that the point of the whole creative process? Why produce or perform something if there is no audience or recipient? How can I make an impact on the world around me if I’m not concerned about who sees me, hears me, and accepts me and what I have to say?

As a musician and writer, I often find that I place myself in situations of incredible vulnerability, usually after I share my pieces or after I perform. Did anyone see me play that riff? Does anyone realise that I intentionally chose to use this word in the lyrics instead of this other, more obvious word?

Is anybody going to tell me that I did a good job? Why hasn’t anyone commented on my post/video/article?

The desire to be seen, heard and be accepted is real. The possibility of being rejected on all these fronts is real too. I often feel like the authenticity of my creative work is somehow diminished because of the need for attention to be brought to it.

Like a pendulum, I’ve swung back and forth on this many times. Some days, I find that the easier path is to stay clear from sharing any of my creative work or putting it out there.

It’s just too tiring to fight this battle time and again – where I want to be content with what I’ve produced, and yet, I can’t enjoy it unless I know someone has seen it, heard it, and accepted it (thus, accepting me too).

Is anybody going to tell me that I did a good job? Why hasn’t anyone commented on my post/video/article?

About a week ago, I had the privilege of hearing Pastor Dan McCollam speak at an event about pursuing excellence in our creative pursuits, instead of perfectionism. He cast a spotlight on a word that has probably reverberated in the hearts and minds of all creators for ages: Significance.

Significance. This great tussle of wanting to be heard, seen, and accepted for the work we produce.

Pastor Dan drew from the lesson of Leah, who struggled immensely with the issue of significance in her life. Her marriage with Jacob started on the belief that she was never really wanted or valued in the first place. Her father had to trick Jacob – who was really only interested in her sister, Rachel – in order to marry Leah off.

Talk about comparison, competition and sibling rivalry!

Like many of us who have been scarred by comparison in our lives, Leah carried that wound around with her, and spent much of her life seeking an answer to the question of her value, her significance.

As a result, we see in Genesis 29:31-35 that when Leah bore children for Jacob, she was producing them in the hope that she would finally be seen, heard and accepted by her husband.

“Now this time my husband will be attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.”

Though I’ve never borne a child, I feel as if I could totally understand and identify with Leah’s emotional pain in childbirth. One child after the other, Leah created, wondering which child it would be that could bring a definitive answer to her question: “Am I valuable and significant in someone’s eyes?”

It brings to mind the many times where I’ve thought that one piece of writing, or one performance, would help me know that “I’ve arrived”. That I would finally earn my validation or affirmation through that piece of work.

After three children, Leah seemed to finally find an answer to her question, and although the passage doesn’t really explain why, it does tell us how she found her rest on these questions of value and significance (Genesis 29:35): “And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘This time I will praise the Lord.'”

This time, I will praise the Lord.

We need to unlearn our old patterns of creating, where we produce from a place of insecurity and inner turmoil, trying to impress in order to find value and significance.

After what must have been years of experiencing the pain of rejection time after time, it seemed as if Leah finally understood that her question of significance and value could never be answered by her husband or her father – even though the wounds were caused by them. The definitive answer to her question could only be found in one Person – the God who created her.

It is poetic and beautiful that the name Leah uses when she praises “the Lord”, is the name Jehovah (יְהֹוָה), which is the same word used to describe the God who created the heavens and the earth in Genesis, as well the God who created Man.

Leah’s (and our) question of significance can only be definitively answered by one Person, and her life-giving creative work was meant to lead to one thing only: Worship of the One who created her. Anything less would have left her with an insatiable abyss of yearning and set her on a lifelong journey of seeking other ways to answer that question.

The inexpressible need and compulsion to impress people with our creative work returns to the issue of our value and significance. I understand it, I struggle with it, and I’ve lived it. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

As creatives who seek to create and produce masterpieces for the glory of God, we need to unlearn our old patterns of creating, where we produce from a place of insecurity and inner turmoil, trying to impress in order to find value and significance.

If we do so, we’ll find ourselves caught in a cycle of creating to be seen, heard and accepted by others. Not for an audience of One.

Instead, we need to learn new patterns of creating. We learn to do so from a place of worship and security in our identity, where we can simply delight in the joy of creating by allowing it to culminate in giving praise and thanks to the Uncreated One. He kickstarted the whole creative process by making us and delighting in His creative work.

We also need to know that we are already seen, heard, and accepted by a God who has done everything necessary to prove His love for us. Nothing more we do could impress Him further.

For all who would like to explore reconciling your craft with our Creator, the X Creative Conference is happening on 27/28 October 2017. Find out more here.