I don’t know who needs to hear this, but for some of us guys, it’s time to stop mincing words, dancing around issues and just say it like it is.

Some of us have gone soft, and not in a good way:

• We don’t know where we’re going in life.
• We never take the initiative.
• We swallow and perpetuate the lie that guys just go through life alone.
• We lead lives that leave no Gospel impact.
• Our motivations are self-centred, not Christ and other-centred.

If that describes you, it’s time to start being a man. And if we don’t know what that actually means, then let’s look together at some aspects of biblical masculinity.

He is a man of clarity

He knows God’s will for his life and follows it. If he doesn’t know about the specifics, he is taking active steps to find out more. He’s studying the Word, praying with faith, speaking to spiritual leaders and fellow believers, and faithfully engaged in serving and worshipping God wherever he is.

In his relationships with others, they know clearly what he’s all about. He is clear about who he is and the person he is becoming – and that is clear to others as well.

He is able to communicate his thoughts and feelings beyond “shag bro”. He knows how to share the Gospel – and does so. He is willing to speak truth to you in love. There is no mask on his face; he’s consistent at home, at church and at the workplace.

He has no interest in situationships; he dates with marriage in mind and will seek to define the relationship.

He does not waste time. He spends time. He knows that how we spend our days is how we spend our lives, and so his energy, effort and presence are consciously given in service of what God calls him to. 

He is a man of godly initiative

Clear about what God wants from him, he is willing to boldly take action.

He is not afraid to get his hands dirty, his wallet open, his schedule used to serve God. He is not afraid of hard work. He does not coast.

He examines his life and always asks, what can I do to align this more closely with God’s heart? He’s not afraid to lift his hands in worship.

He disciplines his life. He knows that no one is coming to save his physical fitness, mental wellness, so he makes the personal effort to care for these aspects of his life. He cultivates his spiritual life. 

And he has the courage to make the first move. He asks for the first date, her agreement to be his girlfriend, her hand in marriage. He asks to pray together, read the Word together. He listens lovingly and leads faithfully. He loves sacrificially.

He takes his wife by the hand along a journey of discovering God’s will for their family, and how they might glorify Him together. He provides for the family and protects them.

He is not a lone wolf

He does not subscribe to the false notion that guys should just suck it up, and he does not perpetuate the lie that “guys don’t share” and should just walk their own path.

He is not a wolf. He is a shepherd who brings sheep into the fold. He guides fellow brothers-in-Christ into authentic spiritual community that is marked by vulnerability and accountability.

Whatever that looks like, he shows up for his spiritual community. He’s cheering you on at your baptism, he’s attending your grandmother’s wake, he attends service at church. 

He is humble. He is a team player. He knows that he is part of the Body of Christ. His actions reflect that, and his words edify and encourage unity.

He is leaving a legacy

Bro has already envisioned his funeral. He knows people won’t care that he made 100k by 30 or retired by 45. To him, legacy goes beyond just providing for his family’s future.

Legacy means today will be lived to love God and love others.

He wants to be remembered for loving God. He wants to be fruitful. He wants his life to count as service for the sake of Christ.

That is why he does not look at relationships transactionally. He never asks, what’s in it for me? Instead he brings blessing to the table unconditionally.

He does not compare. The only time he looks at another person’s rice bowl is to make sure they have enough to eat.

As he walks through each season of his life, with all the cards he has been dealt, He remains focused on Jesus.

He is wholly trusting in Jesus

Indeed, the godly man knows that everything listed before — and it’s not even exhaustive — is impossible apart from Jesus.

Achieving a picture of a life like this is meaningless apart from Jesus. It is rubbish without Jesus. 

That is why abiding in Jesus is his first priority in life, and he seeks never to lose his first love.

He knows that the perfect man has already come in Jesus, who came in love and service, which is why Christ is his personal measure of manliness and the model for his life. 

Indeed, Jesus Christ is the only foundation upon which the fullest life may be built and the truest fountain of joy unceasing.

I have not been this guy at many points in my life.

I’m writing to myself, preaching to myself first, because I really want to see Christlike transformation in my own life.

But if you also resonate with this, then pray with me. Ask the Holy Spirit to move within us and effect real change, because man’s advice and man’s plans will only take us so far.

We need the resurrection power of Christ if we are to truly be made new, and we need His grace for all the moments we fall short.

Pray also that the Spirit would help us navigate each hour as we fight to become men after God’s heart.

Pray that the lives we lead as holy sons would bring honour to God our Father.